Western Caribbean Cruising 1999

Having never been on a cruise before, we jumped on an opportunity to go cruising on Carnival's brand new ship, the Paradise Princess. The inaugural sailing of the newest non-smoking cruise ship would tour around the Western Caribbean, and we would be on it with a couple friends of ours.


One of the valuable travel lessons that we had to learn the hard way, was to never trust a friend that is a new part-time employee in the travel business. When we asked her the day before what the looming American Airlines pilot strike might mean to our flight to Miami, her response was "Strike, what strike?". It was all over the news, but she didn't pay attention, resulting in a mad rush of phone calls to see what we could do, if we didn't get to Miami on time, the ship wouldn't wait for us. At 11am, she calls, we have to be at Seattle Airport by 2:00 for a United Airlines flight. Luckily I drove, and we made it to Seattle airport about 45 minutes earlier than it normally takes... we squealed into the parkade, ran into the airport, and made it just in time for the flight to Miami.

Miami


After a long check-in process at the Miami port, the massive cruise ship leaves Miami on Valentines Day, and circles around Cuba, with stops in Cozumel, Grand Cayman, and Ocho Rios.

 

The grandeur of the ship with it's multiple pools, fitness center, running track, nude bathing deck, night clubs, bars, theater, Casino and massive interior lobbies with grand pianos, are contrasted by our tiny little room. Our pink and blue cube was barely big enough for a bed and a bathroom, but really, it's not like we would spend much time in our room anyways.

 

The cruise would be broken up nicely into one day at sea, and one day at port, rinse and repeat. Our first "Fun Day" at Sea would mean a lot of quality deck and pool time. We chose the late 8:15 dinner, so we would never have to rush back from any of our destinations, and we are young enough that we could stay up for the late shows they would put on. The evening entertainment would be a mix of song and dance shows (a long way from Broadway), and comedians. The highlight would be the X Rated comedian that would only be available to the late night crowd.

Since all their guests are trapped on the ship for the entire day, lots of activities are provided to keep them busy... bingo, gambling at the casino, and first run movies. We are shocked to discover that Titanic is playing on the TV, showing Titanic on a cruise ship... is that wise?

Cozumel, Mexico

The next morning our shipped temporarily pulled into Playa del Carmen to drop some people for an excursion to Tulum, then crossed over to Cozumel. As soon as the ship pulls into port, the smokers that were tricked by their loved ones to go on a non-smoking cruise, run to the ramps so they can get off the ship and have a smoke. Warnings are made from day one throughout the ship, and several people are booted off the ship for smoking. We are whisked out to a coral reef for some snorkeling, and are instantly surrounded by a collection of fish, all sizes and colours.

 

After snorkeling and a lovely sunburn on our backs, we are taken to the main city in Cozumel, and smack dab in the middle of a Mexican festival. The colours, the music, the food, what great timing, the only thing more mexican than this was our choice of restaurant... Carlos 'n Charlie's. OK, Spring Break's version of Mexico, after some drinks and 'Mexican' food, we head back to the ship where we would get more Mexicano with Mariachi's serenading us during dinner.

 

With set dinner times, we also had set dinner guests, our friends and a couple from the US. We also had a set waiter, he was from Eastern Europe, and our Busboy was from Honduras. They were great, a lot of fun, and always making sure we were taken care of, including extra servings of lobster or Filet Mignon. That night they would learn the Macarena from us, and inspired us to go dancing on the deck later. With a live band playing on the deck below, we danced the night away.

   

Our second "Fun Day" at Sea would be another day of quality pool and deck time.


I was entered into the Hairiest man competition, and after what was the most impressive Tarzan call, I still came in 2nd, because I didn't have any back hair.

 

Today's on deck entertainment was an amazing display of skill, as one of their chef ice carvers turns a block of ice into a swordfish. What would take 15-20 minutes would later appear as a centerpiece for the buffet. Did I mention the food, the buffets are like pieces of art, and there is tons of food, it seems wrong to take food from the displays that are created, but we do.

 

 

 

Grand Cayman

Our second stop is the island of Grand Cayman, famous for it's off shore back accounts. Everywhere you look in town is banks, lots of banks, there is intersections with a bank at each corner. Billions of dollars are hidden from the IRS and Revenue Canada in this city.

 

Unfortunately for us, today had lousy weather, but a rainy day in the Caribbean is better than a rainy day anywhere else. The water is still blue, the houses still pink, and the air is still warm.

 

We checked out the Cayman Turtle Farm, a site where they breed and protect turtles. From turtle eggs, to full adults, every type of Sea Turtle is here, and we learn about the release program they have to keep turtle stocks up in the Caribbean. It's always great to see these creatures, but the highlight was the Chocolate Rum Cake... they had samples to try out... so good! Made with Tortuga Rum and cake, we had to buy a few octagon yellow boxes to bring home with us.

 

 

It turns out that it's easy to get to Hell, you just follow Hell Road and go past the Hell Post office.

 

Hell is a soccer field size volcanic like collection of limestone structures, there's not much to see, but you can get a wide assortment of Hell souvenirs, and send postcards postmarked from Hell.

 

The highlight of our trip would be swimming with Stingrays. Our boat travels for 30 minutes away from the island to a shallow sandbar out in the middle of nowhere. Apparently this has been a historic spot for fishing boats to stop and clean their catches. Throwing the remains overboard attracted the stingrays to come in and clean up the area, as soon as they see boats in the area, they know supper isn't far behind. As soon as our boat stops at the sand bar, massive dark shapes start moving in. Advising us to be careful where we step the guide tells us to get into the waist deep water, 10 minutes later Norine would finally get off my shoulders.

 

The Stingrays are amazingly graceful, we can stroke them as they glide all around us, they are sandpaper rough on top, and velvety smooth on the bottom. We are given small squids to feed them, held flat in our hands they suck them up like a hoover with their toothless mouths. We see the worse of the injuries on our boat, one guy has a big hickey on his back where a Stingray has swam up his back and sucked on to him while searching for squids.

We are told about their venomous stingers, a barb at the base of their tail. Injuries from these are very rare, and usually occur when someone accidentally steps on a stingray. We are given a chance to see one up close when our guide allows us to hold one, you may notice Norine is still not comfortable with this, but by the time we leave she is swimming around after them.

 

It's seven years later in 2006 that we learn Steve 'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin is killed by the barb of a Stingray. Apparently he grabbed on to a Stingray as he likes to do to animals, and the barb was driven through his heart. One more reason to treat animals with the respect they deserve.

 

Every day we come back to our room, the cleaning staff has created a new creature out of our towels, fittingly today's towel would be shaped like a stingray.

 

 

Ocho Rios, Jamaica

The next day we would find ourselves in Jamaica, where the weather has completely changed, it is hot and sunny in Ocho Rios, with clear blue skies.

We are picked up by a Catamaran sailboat and taken to Dunn's River Falls, a famous tourist attraction, and the location of the famous Ursula Andress bikini scene from James Bonds 'Dr. No'.

 

 

Everything is beautiful and picturesque as we pull up to the falls, and the excursion photos staged in the falls appear to be amazing tropical escapes. The reality is a long chain of people winding their way up 600 feet of falls and pools, and posing for those photos isn't quite as glamorous as it appears, but we still have a lot of refreshing fun on a hot day.

 

When we get back on the catamaran, it is instantly converted to a party boat. The music is cranked, Free Rum Punches are given out, and that is when the trouble begins. The first Rum punch tasted very strong, full of Tortuga rum and fruit juices, the second, third and fourth didn't taste strong at all. We tour around the beautiful coast of Jamaica dancing and singing to a vast collection of reggae songs and continue to develop our natural sunburns.

 

When we jokingly ask if we can get some rum punch to go, we are handed another glass of punch as we disembark and make our way into the Jamaica Customs building to check out the town. When we get lost in the building we realize just how strong that rum was. The customs people give us a stern look, but don't hesitate to let us laughing drunks into Ocho Rios.

Our first lucky find is a gold toothed taxi driver named 'Sugar'. For $20 he agrees to take care of us for the afternoon, he'll be our tour guide and our driver. In our drunken state it's probably a good idea to have a guide. Our first stop is for some tourist shopping, "No Problem, Mon".

While the girls are having their hair braided Caribbean style, we check out T-shirts, and make an amazing discovery... a wide assortment of liqueurs, and sampling glasses, that's exactly what we need, more booze. After trying all the different flavours and types of liqueurs, and double checking a couple we liked, we decide on a local banana liqueur to take home with us.

 

After a tour around the town of Ocho Rios we ask 'Sugar' to take us to the best Jamaican Jerk Chicken restaurant. We end up at this great outdoor "Jerk Chicken Shack", we all chow down on the true flavours of Jamaica, Jerk Chicken and some more Rum Punch. Having a late lunch at a picnic table under a flower tree in the Jamaican sun was the perfect end to our Caribbean excursions.

'Sugar' safely gets us back to our ship, but the ship wasn't completely safe from us. A lovely moon and star backdrop has been setup for photos, and while goofily posing for our own pictures the girls fall over and wipe out the photo backdrop. After 5-10 minutes of laughing we got the backdrop mostly replaced, and sneak off to get ready for dinner.

Our last day on the ship is another "Fun Day" at Sea, but our friends don't look so good this morning. As opposed to hangovers they try to explain that they are "sea-sick", it had nothing to do with all the rum punch and liqueurs that we drank the day before, no, it was the waves.

 

Our last dinner was as good as the first, but tonight would have a unique twist, all of a sudden the Maitre 'de was a major presence in the restaurant. After dinner we would find out why, instead of just tipping your waiters, bus boys, and room attendants, he wanted a cut of the tips too... yeah right. We are given an assortment of envelopes for tips, and we make sure our waiter and busboy are taken care of... they are up before breakfast, and take care of us past dinner, but the Maitre 'de can go fly a kite!

The next morning we arrive full circle back in Miami, but rather than rushing to disembark, we grab some chairs on the deck, and wait until the last possible moment so we can soak up some more Miami sun before flying home to rainy Vancouver.

When we arrived in Seattle, our parking bill was $150 for the week, our friends were pissed. At least after complaining to American Airlines, they reimbursed us for the parking, that's more than Air Canada ever did for us. The gold Nissan grill emblem from Norine's truck was stolen too, the risks of last second parking. Not like we had a choice, next time we get a real travel agent.

Seven days at sea, spoiled with too much food, too much booze, and too much sun... getting a tropical taste of three Caribbean Islands, even with the travel fiasco, that's what I call a vacation!