Bucerias, Mexico 2022
2022 was supposed to start with amazing travels after a 2 year travel ban. An epic trip to Antarctica that would cross the 7th continent off our list and exploration of South American places we had never been. Exactly 1 month before we were to leave, it was cancelled because of Omicron affecting the expedition company. When our friend Diane found out we weren’t going she told us she had booked a trip to Mexico with friends and we should join them. Later that same night we had booked an all-inclusive trip to the Krystal Grand resort outside of Bucerias, north of Puerto Vallarta.
I’m always skeptical when booking through any of the discount travel companies like Sunwing because of past experiences, but the price was right and the resort looked nice. Booking online had to be followed up with two lengthy phone calls when our paid upgrade to beach view mysteriously changed to ‘tropical view’ when the paperwork was emailed to us. I guess we would have to see what it would be like when we arrived.
Sunday
On an early early Sunday morning we headed to YVR with our proof of vaccinations to meet up with Diane and our soon-to-be best friends; Tara, Sharon and Nolan. After a slight delay before departure we were all headed to Puerto Vallarta. Luckily we bought some breakfast in the airport because by the time meal service got to us (in row 8) the only food they had left was pizza and cheese plates.
After 5 hours of Canadian clouds and some nice scenery over the US we landed in Mexico and collected our luggage. Our traveling companions were at the back of the plane, so we listened to the time share sales pitches and offers of free excursions until we were all ready to jump in our vehicle and head to the resort. Tara’s attempts to obtain Maragaritas for the long journey failed, and eventually we pulled up to the Krystal Grand resort.
As I suspected, the check-in process did not go as smooth as it should have. Norine and I were told we had been upgraded to a Junior Suite, even though the room was just a regular room, but it had a nice balcony overlooking the pool area with the ocean behind. Nolan and Sharon didn’t get told they were upgraded but got a similar room in a different part of the resort.
The view from our balcony
The screwup was with Diane and Tara’s room, they were put in a tiny room with a single bed and no balcony, even though we all paid for the same upgraded ocean view rooms. After complaining to numerous people they were told nothing could be done until the next day. There was no Sunwing representative on-site like we were told, so we couldn't get it resolved, the Sunwing orientation never happened either, but at least we could start drinking and had access to food.
After a quick change of clothes we were poolside on a warm sunny afternoon. The resort had a large buffet area, three a-la-carte restaurants and a couple of snack bars that were open for the afternoons. Convenient to the pool areas they had a selection of day old hot dogs, hamburgers and either chicken or fish strips. All served luke-warm slightly below room temperature. There was always nachos with a nice orange cheese sauce that was molten lava.
Our first night’s dinner would be at the buffet, a mixed assortment of food that was ok, not great, not terrible… but beer and wine was available as needed. After a long day we all crashed early, Diane and Tara’s first night on vacation and they would have to spoon until their room was swapped the next day.
That's not a postcard, photo taken through the glass of our balcony
Monday
Just like a lot of these beach and pool resorts, people get up early to run down and stick towels and personal items on chairs to reserve their spots, even though they don’t show up until 11:00. Our group had a mix of ladies that would take turns getting up early and grappling a cluster of chairs/loungers so they could maximize their sun exposure. Most mornings all of us were the few occupants and that was just fine with us.
Our first full day was spent on the beach, we made friends with the servers bringing us drinks to our chairs (with the help of some pesos). We also got to know a lot of the locals walking the beaches selling their wares, and we all took turns practicing our negotiating skills (some of us were better negotiators than others).
The funniest of the locals was this cute little guy, I swear he was only 6-7 years old. Norine talked to him about the handmade bags he was selling. “$25 or 500 pesos”… how about $10?… “nope, $25”, they went back and forth but he wouldn’t budge, so Norine says "no thanks then, gracias"… this toddler changes from cute little local kid to full gangster “how much money you got, man?” We all burst out laughing and he continued on his way, the next lady down the beach sold her almost-the-same bag for 300 pesos.
Our first full day in the sun and 50% of our group were sun-burnt in one form or another. At least we had a full day of Pina Coladas, Miami Vices or some other form of cold beverages to keep us distracted.
We would wrap up the first day with dinner at one of the a-la-carte restaurants, Ayama, a Japanese influenced restaurant. It was pretty good, not spectacular, but much better than the buffet, and their deep fried ice cream was great!
It’s 9:00 and everyone is ready for bed, except for us two night owls… Norine and I went up to check out the Skybar, a top of the building 10th floor patio bar that looked over the whole resort. We had read previous reviews complaining of rooms near to this bar being kept awake with music, noise and fights. There was 8 people in the bar, and I’m pretty sure that was Barry Manilow playing.
We ended up back in the room and watched an Evan Rachel Wood documentary (apparently Marilyn Manson is a creep, who would have guessed?). That night we learned that the AC/Heating system was slightly defective, whether set to 18 AC or 30 heating the end result was a room that woke you up in the middle of the night at 12-13 degrees… just like the Vancouver temperatures we were trying to avoid. Even after maintenance came to check it, we just learned it was better to turn it off.
Tuesday
Ocean view vs Tropical view
The pools at Krystal Grand consisted of 3 areas, the main pool was broken up into ⅔ of a regular pool and ⅓ of an adults only pool separated by a wall. The other pool was an irregular shaped infinity pool with an infinity bar, none of us could understand why this wasn’t an adults only pool. Tuesday mornings early risers selected loungers at the adults only pool where we were closer to the main bar which made it much easier for our servers to get us our Bahama Mamas and Gin and Tonics. A good chunk of the day was spent in the shade by some of us that were a little more red than the others.
Today I ran in to a couple of the staff members responsible for keeping birds out of the pool areas. Omar and his beautiful Harris hawk, the hawk would be sent flying around the different areas of the pool and any scavenging birds were long gone until their day ended around 6:00. Later in the day I commented “there’s that guy with his hawk out” and Tara replied that that isn’t what she thought I said. For the rest of the trip that became a running joke… "the guy with his hawk out".
Tonight’s a-la-carte restaurant was the Mexican influenced Hacienda El Mortero. My meal was good, but it seemed everyone else’s was below average. Not sure if this one was better than the buffet.
Another early night and we all decided to head up to the Skybar for shots and entertainment, we were the only ones there and the shots ended up being King Kongs… a slightly banana flavoured whiskey. That was the end of our Skybar adventure.
Wednesday
Wednesday‘s early morning adventures started at the infinity pool, which was convenient for short trips to the swim up bar when we finished our Margaritas before the server made it back again.
A couple days away from the beach meant less shopping, so we took a wander up the beach
to a couple tents set up with an assortment of local goods, cover ups, T-shirts, hats… all
the kinds of things a Canadian tourist could need.
Each of us managed to find something we were looking for.
Once back at the resort, I made arrangements with the excrusion desk for a snorkeling tour on Thursday, we could choose between a longer tour that was a little less expensive, or a shorter tour that was more money but designed for small groups to have a Luxury Snorkeling experience on a smaller boat. We all chose to splurge and get the small group tour.
Tonight’s dinner was the gourmet a-la-carte restaurant, The Grill. This meal was excellent, so on our way back to the room I made another reservation to have our last meal on Saturday night there again.
Thursday
Thursday morning was a brief pool day before heading out. Turns out it was also a day of Creatures big and small at the pool.
The 5 of us grabbed a taxi to the Vallarta Adventures marina, and Tara would meet us later in Puerto Vallarta for dinner. As we wait in the bar area for our excursion to be called for boarding, we quickly discovered that we had been sold a false bill of goods, and are escorted to a large boat with 40 other people. This is not the Luxury Snorkeling that we booked. I asked several of the crew and they all kind of shrugged saying that's what it is, their boats hold up to 40 people.
Taking the chance we weren't going snorkeling today we didn't board the boat, and I charged up to the check-In desk to voice my displeasure. This is not what we were told, this is not what we paid extra for, and are told that their cruises are usually 30-40 people. A man comes over from the company, introduces himself as the manager and apologizes for the confusion. He then offers to take us on the same cruise but on the owners yacht, with a small group of 7 other passengers.
The other group is some girls from UCLA, they stuck to the bow of the boat, while we had the entire back deck to ourselves. It worked out great. The crew introduced themselves, let us now they were sailors not pirates, so our stuff was safe on the boat, and quickly ensured that we had drinks in our hands for the cruise out to Majahuitas Beach.
It was a lovely cruise with calm seas and sunny skies as we made our way to the first stop near the beach where we would be able to snorkel. Strangely, only two of the UCLA girls wanted to snorkel. When first getting in the water to snorkel, it was quite murky and visibility was not good, and although not fantastic, it improved and we did manage to see a variety of fish including King Angels, puffer fish and several eels.
There was definitely a huge temperature change when diving down and after sufficiently glimpsing all the fish in that part of the ocean, we all swam back to the boat to dry off before swimming ashore at Majahuitas Beach. It was a little tourist focused beach area, with all kinds of Instagram worthy locations and props which appealled to the Instagram girls from the other boats that were docked there.
There was a little hut serving free drinks, basically a few juices and cerveza, and we were free to lounge or use the paddle boards. For some reason Norine, Nolan, Sharon and I decided to ride the Banana boat being pulled around by a speedboat, even after we watched it flip all the previous passengers into the water. Our ride with only 4 passengers was much more stable than the 12 people that had to climb back on after being tossed into the ocean.
After enjoying the rather pebbly beach for a while, we swam back to the boat. A quick towel off and we were served a really nice picnic style lunch of guacamole, proscuitto, smoked salmon, cheeses, grapes and crackers. We were all going to be pretty full by the time we met Tara for dinner.
It was a nice sail back to the marina, and overall a pretty nice day out on the water. I wonder if the owner knows that we were taken out on his boat, and I really wonder if he knows that his crew navigates with their feet?
Our original plan was to meet in downtown Puerto Vallarta with Tara, then walk up to the restaurant and maybe do some shopping/sightseeing, however the traffic was so bad, that we ended up going straight to the restaurant. We will have to visit Puerto Vallarta another time.
Tara had chosen and reserved a table at La Traviata restaurant, it was a super nice
Italian restaurant on the top floor of a hotel overlooking the city...It started with
amazing entertainment, and ended with screaming yelling kids running around the
restaurant.
The food and drinks were excellent, even with the screaming.
We left the restaurant and managed to get a cab out front that fit us all, and proceeded back to our resort with the 80's Disco music station blasting full volume the whole way. The girls in the back enjoyed the monster sub-woofers, and we all sang along, got a lot of strange looks from passing cars, and really impressed the hotel staff and guests that were in the lobby when we pulled up.
Friday
On Friday we decided to take the 30 minute walk down the beach into the main town of Bucerias, it was a nice walk although some washed up eels and puffer fish were a little gruesome to see. There would have been more carnage, but Norine rescued some small silver fish from a certain death.
Bucerias is a small town that has a much more authentic Mexican feel to it when compared to the much larger city of Puerto Vallarta. Cobblestone streets surrounded by colourful buildings and souvenir stands make up the core.
Aside from everyone loading up on vanilla and sunglasses, our highlight destination of the day was the Miguel Angel Bar. With parrots and a Mariaci band playing, how could you not stop here for a taste of Mexico?
A little Canadian influence decorates the walls
First things first, our waiter makes a bowl of guacamole for the table and then starts bringing us our drinks.
I ordered a Corona as they were all out of Modelo Especiale, then everyone else ordered
these amazing Margaritas...
I felt shame until I ordered a delicious large sized Hurricane, it went down way too fast!
Maybe it was the alcohol, but we all took turns trying on Tara's new amazing sunglasses, before we met Carlos... the cutest darn little sales guy in all of Bucerias.
Every one of the girls bought a 50 peso bracelet or anklet, all teasing him about how
cute he was. He blushed and was invited back to Canada, and got a nice tip that resulted
in him crossing himself and giving thanks. I think the ladies made his day.
The 2 guys at the table just enjoyed quality time with a parrot.
Our tummys full, we head back to pickup a few last things in the market (more vanilla and tequila), then we started the long walk back along the beach towards our resort.
5 minutes in and we spotted the rent-a-horse vendors, and made the slightly alcohol influenced decision to all ride a horse back, instead of walking the rest of the way. Our top negotiator Norine got us sorted out, and we were all on our way.
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Part way into the ride, I think the horses had had enough. Mine just decided he didn't care to walk with the group any more, in fact decided he didn't care to walk anymore. So I ended up being towed by the cowboy. Sharon's horse decided he liked the scenery in the resorts more, and wandered up into a couple resorts lounge areas before she was towed out by the other cowboy.
We all made it back alive, Tara didn't even spill a drop of her Margarita, but we all walked a little funny for a while, and had some great memories of our day trip to Bucerias.
We spent the evening at the Lounge bar drinking Mango Margaritas, and watching the resident crackpot dancing around the lobby. This guy from Alberta had apparently been at the resort for a month already, always loaded, 6 pack under his arm, medical masks on his elbows, and his own music source playing full volume in his back pocket. Everyone on the resort, including the staff, knew who he was, and did their best to avoid talking to him or avoid crashing into him as he weaved around like a drunken toddler.
Another great day in Mexico came to an end, we had 1 more day of sunshine ahead.
Saturday
Our last full day at the resort was spent at the adult pool, absorbing as much Vitamin D as we could... and Vitamin C, and whatever vitamins come in pineapples, coconuts and rum. Meerka (our server) made sure we never ran low.
The last supper should have been a nice finish to our trip, but it didn't go quite as planned. Diane and Tara came down early to see if we could get a special table for our reservation, and they had no record that we even had a reservation. Norine and I rushed down to the concierge after we noticed they had put the wrong date on the reservation slip, even though I had corrected them several times that it was Saturday night, our last night when I made the reservation. The concierge phoned over and we were told they could get us in at 9:00 since it was already 8:35... oh wait, there is 6 of you, I'm sorry we can't do anything.
After letting the group know they had screwed us over, I went full Karen and asked to speak to the manager. I let him know that the error was on their end, it was our last night, and surely they could do something, we could see a lot of empty tables. Happily he was able to see that they could fit us in, and showed us to a table inside.
Turns out, the restaurant alternates menus, and tonight The Grill was actually an Italian restaurant. The food was good, not quite what we had experienced there a few nights earlier, but much better than the buffet we thought we would be stuck with.
We spent some time wandering the vendor stands that had been set up around the pool area, then all headed off to our last night of Mexican beds before heading home.
Sunday
Our last breakfast at the buffet, Mimosas all around, and plates full of bacon (first day all week there was bacon), we had a leisurely breakfast, and headed back to our rooms to get our bags for checkout. Fittingly on the way, we saw the guy with his hawk out, one last laugh before leaving the resort.
The only time we saw a Sunwing rep was in the lobby before leaving, and he arranged our transport to the airport. Everything seemed to be going fine, check-in, security, a little duty-free... Then the departure gate area was a complete gong show, 5 or 6 flights worth of passengers all in the same narrow area, announcements that couldn't be heard or understood, just a mass of people all trying to go home at the same time.Eventually each passenger got to the doors and was loaded on to a bus that would take us to the stairs of our aircraft. We arrived 3 hours early at the airport and left almost an hour late.
The fun didn't end there though...
Knowing that on the way down, Sunwing ran out of everything but pizza by the time they got
to us in row 8, we figured pizza would be great for row 7 on the way back. Nope all out of
pizza, just wraps left by row 7.
Shortly after the meal service the little kid in front of us started puking, A LOT! The next 3 hours would be a constant parade of his parents cleaning seats, tray tables, clothing, even the pilot had to come back and swap out the seat belts. So glad I didn't get the pizza.
We did have some nice views over the Grand Canyon along the way, got a couple cute ornaments for the infamous travel tree, and memories of sunshine and a lot of great laughs with Diane and our new best friends, and of course the guy with his hawk out.